It’s funny how life has a way of sneaking up on you. Last year, I mistakenly thought I was turning 40—maybe it was inattentiveness, or maybe it was just denial! But now, with a whole extra year to prepare, I’m ready to embrace this milestone. Reflecting on these four decades, I realize that every year has been a mix of growth, gratitude, and plenty of lessons learned, some the hard way.
As I stand at the threshold of 40, I’m taking a moment to look back—not just at the highlights, but at the moments that shaped me, the people who walked with me, and the God who has been faithful through it all. This post isn’t just about reaching a number; it’s about the journey of getting here. So, here are 40 reflections, lessons, and gratitudes from a life well-lived, and hopefully, well-loved.
Inattentiveness. I wanted to say this was forgetfulness, but more than likely it was just me not paying attention. But, I forgot how old I was in 2023, so I mistakenly believed I was turning 40 last year. I've had a whole year to contemplate this turn of age, I'm ready…I think.
Graduation. It felt a little anticlimactic. Four years of a course or two on the go, always a text to read, a paper to write, then, it was finally over! A master's degree in counselling has helped give me skills to be a better listener, given me a greater understanding of the different factors of the problems people face and has grown my compassion for those who are struggling. Mental health wasn’t a field I ever imagined myself in, but I believe the Lord has called and gifted me to serve others in this way, to be his hands and feet to those in crisis.
A new opportunity. It was really a God-thing. Truth be told, I was struggling with burnout after the chaos of the last few years and pursuing private practice felt too overwhelming for me (especially while still holding my nursing job). But the director of a Christian counselling center approached me about joining the team and the pieces fell into place. I’m so grateful they did! I’m enjoying getting to know the team and their care for each other and their heart for ministry.
A blue belt! I've been training Brazillian Jiu-Jitsu for a while and this was a super exciting, super terrifying moment!! It's hard to put into words, but feeling unworthy was a prevalent reflection for a few weeks afterward.
7 Years Post-Transplant. It’s our annual celebration, Transplant Anniversary Day. This year we didn’t even have to do bloodwork or any follow-up because we’ve graduated onto the 2 year check-up schedule. I mean, I wish we could’ve gone, it’s always great to have that reassurance, but I know our doc would remind us that how she’s doing is evidence of itself.
Gathering for bible study. Leading a Bible study had been on my heart for a while, and I’d been praying for the right timing. Then, a friend reached out, sharing how she felt there was a need in our church for a daytime study, for women who couldn’t attend evening sessions. We began meeting at my home for an Advent study, and as winter set in, we transitioned to studying Philippians at the church. It has been a true blessing to learn and grow together with faithful women.
Health things. I've been good, but apparently my doc thought that was a bad thing, especially since I waited until I had a few complaints on the list before I actually made an appointment. He was a little heavy on the doom and gloom, so I went straight away to get my bloodwork done and scheduling the other tests. The results were fine, but required me to venture into the world of diet changes, which was very challenging, to say the least. Let’s just say the theme of self-control came up a lot in my journaling, bible study and prayer, and it’s been a worthwhile change, both physically and spiritually.
Grateful for my people. With getting a little older and staying active, I've just really appreciated my massage therapist, my physio, and my dental hygienist. I admire how great they are at their job, how they strive to care well for others, and their confident expertise. It’s a blessing to have these people in my life.
God will open doors. Is it because I’m getting older or just that I have a full plate, I’m learning a lot more to depend on Christ for next steps. Persisting in prayer for his guidance and waiting on him to bring it to fruition. It’s not a new practice of course, but I see how my confidence in him is taking on a new shape.
Changes in missions. The rise of the global south in sending missionaries creates important questions for sending churches and organizations in the West. How does this affect what we do as senders? (If you’ve got some thoughts or resources, I welcome them!! Send me a note). But these are questions we work through as a mission board as we visions and direct our organization. Keep praying for us.
10 years ago I celebrated my birthday in Tz with a movie night on a laptop under a mosquito net and popcorn cooked on our campstove, while bush babies ran across our tin roof. Hard to believe how time and situations can change in a decade. It makes me curious about the next 10 years, when we’ll be launching our last one into adulthood, and the empty nest will be in full swing. There’s that sense of urgency to steward and enjoy this time with them. It’s this unique season of discipleship and opportunity.
God’s gift of an encourager. When we came back to Canada, our mission organization was in the throes of finding a new director, just as our life unraveled for a while: discerning our future, having our third baby, her subsequent illness and transplant, while beginning a new ministry. When the new director came on, he happened to be in Manitoba and asked to see us. We were still admitted with our littlest, so we met at the hospital Starbucks. Over the years, he’s been a voice of encouragement and affirmation, through visits to our home when he’s here and recruiting me to be on the board. This was significant for me because it all happened during a season of feeling unseen. My prayer is that I will endeavor to become this kind of seeing person.
Friendships that stand the test of time. Lately, this has been hitting a little harder as we witness marriages falling apart. While marriage is between two people, imagine if we all had friends who could guide us in setting our hearts right before the Lord and our spouse—friends who would fight for us. People who truly see how we’re doing, who aren’t afraid to ask the hard questions, who care enough to lovingly confront us when needed. I’m grateful for these kinds of friendships and want to keep growing in them.
An AMAZING trip to North Africa. This was an opportunity I’d been praying about and got invited into. It was a blessing to travel with friends, visit beloved coworkers, and encourage them. We babysat so they could have a date night, learnt local phrases and tried them out with those we met, and learned a few things about culture. Here’s a few highlights.
One of my favourite hobbies. Can you guess it? Yes, it’s BOOKS!!! I’ve read through a few this year already. Scroll through the highlights.
A favourite verse. “To this end we always pray for you, that our God may make you worthy of his calling and may fulfill every resolve for good and every work of faith by his power, so that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you and you in him according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ.” [2 Thess 2:11-12] This passage has been on my heart the last few years, as a prayer for the Lord to continue giving grace to follow Him steadfastly into what He’s called me to, and for His name to be made great through the meager offering of my presence and service to others.
Entering midlife. I read a book I didn’t know I needed. The topic was about midlife and since I’m now entering this phase, it seemed appropriate. I began to see how the dynamics of life shift and understood some of the tensions we face in these sandwiched years. These words really encouraged me to hope and hang on steadfastly to Christ.
Discipling the littles, who aren’t so little anymore. We’ve long shifted from bible storybooks and recited prayers to instilling healthy spiritual habits of bible reading and prayer. I’ll be honest, the routine of school is super helpful for that, as summer holidays have turned time into spaghetti. It’s still neat to see the moments they’re reading on their own, when we talk about the passage and pray together. Watching the Lord work in their lives through church ministries, camp ministries and mentors is a really humbling, joyful thing.
Meeting prayer warriors. I attended leadership meetings with our mission organization in Florida this summer, and while the heat and humidity were wonderful, the greater joy was meeting retired missionaries. Our meetings were hosted at our mission’s retirement center, so I was blessed to meet a handful of people who had served and sent us, and also met new faces whose stories I was only scratching the surface of. These prayer warriors meet daily, in homes, in the dining hall and at churches to steadfastly commit God’s work and workers to the feet of Jesus. I’m just humbly reflective of how beautifully inspiring this place and these people.
Praising God in a parched land. During our time on a church planting team, our worship times always felt really significant—reading scripture and praising God in prayer and song amidst a people hostile to Christ. On our trip to North Africa I was reminded of this beauty of proclamation, but also realized it’s our here and now at home as well.
Joy. Perhaps after a season of burnout, joy is harder to wrestle into reality, but through our advent study on joy, then in Philippians, I learned joy, not as an emotion, but as an awareness of God’s grace and favor. When I frame it this way, it’s so much more about perspective than my feelings. I can always look for and list God’s grace and favor in each moment and every day.
Teaching mental health skills. I had the opportunity to help run a mental health skills group at our local community center this winter, and it was a really great time for me as a facilitator, to learn and also to teach. It’s not easy to learn new habits, to recognize emotions we’ve long bottled up and now need to sort through, so it was a blessing to see our participants lean into becoming healthier, more self-aware people.
The biggest lesson I’ve learned from relationships: We need them. I’m an introvert and may have historically—and mistakenly— thought it to be true that I didn’t need people. This just isn't reality, it’s not how God designed us, and our cultural influence will push us to believe it. (This hearkens back to 6, 8 and 12). And you know what else? They’re not easy. Part of teaching mental health skills also involves education about interpersonal effectiveness. In an age where we’re attached to our phones more than we are to people, this is so important.
How have you learned to handle challenges better? Full disclosure here, I’m still learning this. I’ve found that fostering a theology of suffering is extremely helpful. It always sounds so simple in words when in reality it’s anything but. Our beliefs about adversity influence how we respond to unmet expectations, pain and suffering. Who we believe God is, who we believe we are and what God’s story is all about for His purposes and ours.
On balancing work and life. This has been an evolving skill over the years. I’ve developed rhythms and practices to help guide me to be intentional in the activities I’m involved with. At the beginning of the year I do a Rule of Life exercise, I go through a Year-in-Review reflection, to help me see how God has been at work and how he may continue to be at work in the next months. I draw principles books like Do More Better, Redeeming Your Time, and most recently on vacation I read Atomic Habits. We stay organized with a family calendar, and keep morning rhythms to prepare us all for the day. But the biggest part of what I’ve learned is to be present. When I’m at work, that’s where my focus is, and when I’m home, that’s where I’m all in. It may sound simple, but it’s not always, especially when my mind is full and racing. Be present where you are.
But it’s not always possible. Sometimes I’m at work and I get a call from the school and my focus shifts. This is when hosting a girls end-of-school campfire turns into having the entire class over, or the discovery that a few rounds swirling on the tire swing cause vomiting. Parenting is just like this sometimes. And I love it. Not the vomiting part, but the way our best laid plans change and evolve.
Small daily joys. The stillness of a quiet morning in the Word with my morning cup of tea. I’m just a morning person whose brain is helped by the tranquility of the morning hours. The pre-dawn hours may not be your thing, but it’s my drawing near to the Lord time. Also, afternoon chai lattes are also a joy on the days I’m home, waiting for the kiddos to get home from school.
Loving where we live. I couldn’t be more grateful for where we live. We’re surrounded by wonderful families who become part of our extended family—or adopted family even. (Beside us, our daughter is introduced as “our fourth daughter who lives next door”) We enjoy popcorn and movies, fort building in the mud, street hockey, hot chocolate on the porch, it’s just such a blessing to be part of this community.
Where mistakes teach me the most valuable lessons. All the ones where my pride was involved! Learning another language, counselling skills behind a two-way mirror where professors gave feedback (and believe me, they noticed a lot of details and critiqued freely), and every time I counter a jiu-jitsu move the wrong way and have to tap.
Letting Go. Not holding onto offenses. Responding with grace when our preferences are different. Letting go of disappointment when my expectations aren’t met. When I hold onto things with a tight fist, bitterness grows into hardness of heart. Opening up that fist, surrendering to Christ my attitudes and my circumstances. "We are most fruitful in the land of our affliction when God transforms us internally." (Wendy Alsup)
A first ambition. During our leadership cohort reflections on marriage from The Emotionally Healthy Leader, he points out marriage as the leader’s first ambition. Okay, obviously this is after knowing and loving the Lord, but I’m not sure I’d really thought about it this way, making my marriage my first ambition. Of course marriage is important, but when I hear it in this way, it seems…more. There’s a beautifully challenging marriage declaration from the book I’ve printed and put on my fridge.
Weekly Appointments. Carrying on with the topic of marriage, we’ve started taking regular time to check-in with each other. Doesn’t that sound romantic? I found this Weekly Marriage Journal a couple months ago to guide our sharing together. It’s really helpful and I’m glad we’re carving this time, even if it’s on the porch watching the kids play. (I thought it might just be me and my quirkiness, but I felt validated when Bethany Broderick also shared about this practice in her recent newsletter.)
Little voices. One of my favourite ways of serving in our local church is through being a listener at Awana. I get tears hearing the kiddos share God’s word with me. It’s a huge privilege and blessing to encourage their hearts as they’ve worked so hard to memorize the verse and to hide it in my own heart once again.
What I want to leave. Okay, I know I’m only 40, but I do believe it’s beneficial to “number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom” (Ps. 90:12), so I’m not trying to be morbid. Yet, I have colleagues who are in this decade struggling through cancer and have passed away suddenly with a massive heart attack. I grieve with the struggle and loss and am acutely aware of how life can change in an instant. So I consider the mark I want to leave, and more than anything it’s the testimony of grace and mercy of Christ on my life. There’s nothing special about me other than Christ. “I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing” (John 15:5).
Daily exercise. I’ve struggled with “nurses back” so after seeing physio there were recommendations for core exercises. With jiu-jitsu training 3 mornings a week, I’ve started to do recovery workouts and runs in between. While getting beat up does take it’s toll some days, I do notice that the diligence in developing core and upper both strength has done a lot for my physical wellbeing.
But, why? Lol. Maybe you’re asking this since number 4—I know a lot of my friends do. Why train BJJ?! (Guess I could write a post about 40 reasons…) What started as a way to keep my son occupied during his sister’s tae kwon do classes evolved into a few of us moms taking the intro class for fun, which then became regular training. BJJ is a highly technical sport, and there’s so much to learn, which really feeds my curiosity. It’s like human chess, where you’re not only learning moves and strategies with your brain but also training your body to execute them. It’s fascinating to me. It’s also wildly humbling. Finding yourself in a tough spot—whether you’re seeing stars or on the verge of a shoulder dislocation—keeps me firmly in a learner’s mindset. Having the attitude of a lifelong learner is one of my core values (John Piper’s, Foundations of Lifelong Learning is on my to-read list). Add to that a community of people who are gracious, kind and fun, and you’ve got most of my reasons. 🙂
Exploring beauty. Here’s another joy of mine: the outdoors. Whether it’s hiking or paddle boarding, jogging through town or visiting ancient roman ruins along the Mediterranean, the beauty of God’s creation, the vastness of his sovereignty through culture and history and the endless horizon just refresh my soul.
Collaborations. Another thing I’m thankful for are online ministry friends. These writers serve their readers and when we bump into each other with fresh perspectives or expertise, it’s a really neat way to connect and work together. I helped my friend Kyleigh with a 4 part series on Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorders, from my perspective as an ER nurse.
A few favourite things you may have seen featured in my newsletter. 1) My zero drop training shoes, 2) the handiest travel cross body bag, 3) chai latte concentrate, 4) the Readwise app to store all my book highlights, and 5) these casserole dishes for prepping freezer meals!
Grateful. I got to begin a new decade by stepping onto a cruise ship in Italy!! It's been a long time coming for my husband and I to travel and have some time just the two of us. It was such a great trip! Feeling refreshed and ready for the start of the school year.
As I look back, I’m struck by how much life is a blend of the expected and the unexpected. The journey hasn’t always been easy, but it’s been rich with lessons pressing me deeper to faith, blessings of grace in it all, and moments of growth.
But this isn’t just about looking back. Turning 40 feels like a new chapter, a fresh start with God's presence guiding me forward. It’s a reminder that life is still unfolding, He. is at work in and through me with new lessons to learn and more reasons to be grateful.
What are the moments, people, and lessons that have shaped who you are today, and how will they guide you into the future?
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